I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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