We're facebook friends in real life
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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