I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
