Sry I called you an 8
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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