I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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