I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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