I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
