So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
