i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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