Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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