I'm so fucking centered right now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
