No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
