Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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