fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
