Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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