Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
