He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
