South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
