I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
