if you like me you must not know who I am
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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