he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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