I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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