Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
