Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
