she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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