my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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