Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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