you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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