so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
