I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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