you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
