I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
