saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
