Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
