I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
