i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
