oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
