he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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