I didn't shave. On purpose
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
