Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
