Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
