take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
