i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
