So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
