He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dear god my vagina.
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