I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
