the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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