He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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