just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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