She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
