she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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