Non-Jews are for practice
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
